On reflecting twenty four years on this planet ( which is almost a quarter a century) I have one realisation, I dont think any boyfriend has truly ever been in love with. Whenever a relationship comes to an end the excuse I always get is I'm the most wonderful amazing awesome girl ever but they cant be "in love" with me instead they just love me as a friend. This hurts a fair bit especially when they get all guilty about it and start crying. That sucks.
The thing that I find really weird about this treatment is I see guys profess their love to girls who are well lying shallow not very nice people. I try not to judge but my mother's co-worker is my age, she's married to her loving adoring husband yet she openly tells him she wants to sleep with other men and spends all her time bragging about how often she screams at him because he doesnt share the same interests.
In the movies the guy always falls in love with the beautiful aloof bitch girl, finding her vile insulting behavior "charming" and "refreshing".
So whats the answer? should I be a complete bitch to gain love? I went through my bitch phase like all girls when I was fourteen mainly in retaliation to all the girls who bitched me out first. It was exhausting. By the time I was fifteen I was so over it.
It makes me wonder what qualities a guy looks for when he falls in love, I'm told I'm unique and special but what they want is every day and ordinary. I'm told that I'm very nice, what they really want is to be insulted.
This has been going on since my first boyfriend in highschool when he dumped me after four months because he wasn't "in love" with me.
There is a profound sense of never measuring up. Maybe I just have a different idea of what in love is, I see being in love as a profound connection with a human being, having a person in your life who truly makes you happy.
Maybe other people see being in love as quietly pining and being hurt by a mysterious broody bitch.
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