One of the fundemental rules of being a true "nerd girl" is a deep and all consuming passionate love for our dear Jane. If you're a girl claiming to be a "girl nerd" who has never read pride and prejudice I'm sorry but you're full of crap and no I dont care how many Doctor Who fanfics you've written.
Today however on the long bus ride home I started thinking to myself why is it that we all love Jane so much? is it because of her fiesty leading ladies who rebel against society and conformity for love? hmm no.
I think it has something to do with the men.
One of the things that sucks about being a girl nerd is the men who arn't socially retarded when it comes to dating are incredibly boring because their interests lie soley in cars and football while the men who share a girl-nerd's interest are completly incapable of forming a romance with a woman without turning into either obsessive stalkers or forgetting about their girlfriend the moment the latest version of final fantasy comes out.
Jane however provides us with a world where the men and women SHARE interests but the men are CAPABLE OF WOOING, oh be still my quivering bodice. One of my all time favorite Austen romances is NOT Elizabeth and Darcy but rather Henry and Catherine! the moment the two of them squeed and fangirled over gothic novels I suddenly felt myself aching for my own Henry, charming, funny and a little bit silly who shares my geeky interest.
Jane gets us, we dont just want an Edward Cullen or Rambo, we want the package of charm but also compatibility.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Belonging or not belonging
One of the things we often is hear is "those who cant do teach" which isnt actually true. My first degree was a double degree in journalism and english . In this case I could "do" I had articles published in several magazines and I got HD's in all my classes.The problem was when I finished my first degree I realised I hated journalism. Sure I love reading fashion magazines but seriously do you have any idea how messed up it is working in an eviroment with superficial glamozons who spend their days judging celebrities on their choice of boot colour? to literally see people rip apart someones relationship for entertainment *cough*that twilight couple *cough* During my internship at an unnamed womens magazine I was sent out to photograph girls and interview them about issues. I was told when returning however that the girls I had photographed were too "ugly" so horrified I decided journalism wasnt for me. I am not Ugly Betty campaigning for differences, I am a teacher.
This is where I am right now and I'm not a naturally "gifted" teacher like I was in journalism. I'm not getting the high marks and everything is much harder, but is it worth it? actually it is.
This is where I am right now and I'm not a naturally "gifted" teacher like I was in journalism. I'm not getting the high marks and everything is much harder, but is it worth it? actually it is.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
KISS HER YOU BLOCK HEAD! or Marcie the Little Red Headed Girl and Charlie Brown.
One of my key childhood memories involves the comic strip Peanuts. I was obsessed; I named all my Barbie dolls after the female characters and acted out my favorite strips with elaborate musical interludes and costumes. The number one strip I remember however was when Marcie confessed to Charlie Brown that she loved him and he stood their stunned! His sister then screamed “kiss her you blockhead”. I have no idea why this strip affected my memory so much, maybe because I was confused thinking Marcie was gay for Peppermint Patty or maybe it was because I couldn’t understand WHY Charlie Brown rejected Marcie! After all Charlie Brown spent forty years bitching about his loneliness and his desire for someone to understand him. Then finally after FORTY YEARS a cute smart girl comes along and gives him everything he could ever want! Why did he run away?
Of course years later I found out about the evil, unholy, little Red Headed Girl. Why is she so evil you may ask? Because she pretty much represents the one obstacle the Marcie’s of the world face when trying to find true love. The Little Red Headed Girl is the “perfect girl who got away”. This girl may be a guy “ex” girlfriend who we logically assume by their behavior was a complete psycho. This girl may be a pop singer who the guy has an unhealthy obsession with. Finally in the case of “the little redheaded girl” it might be a girl who the guy once barely knew but spent an unnatural time “obsessing” over until they turn the said girl into a charity supporting genius wonder woman who loves star wars movies. If a Marcie is lucky the guy she meets like in all sitcoms has been through a situation where they discovered their little red headed girl was a true fraud. She may have been gorgeous but that doesn’t excuse the fact they once set fire to their car during the relationship, or called them a douche behind their back or in the case of a celebrity doesn’t even know they exist.
This isn’t always the case however.
We’ve all been in that situation girls and we’re often dismissively told that “his just not that into you” which lets face it is complete and utter bullshit. As the immortal and fabulous Dawn French once said “all a guy needs is tits and a pulse”. His “just not that into you” merely translates into “his just waiting for the evil little redheaded girl”. So why am I bitching about this? After all pretty fantasy girls need love too!
I’m bitching because Marcie represents the plight of many, bright imaginative kind and fantastic women. We will never be the little red headed girl which means we will constantly be rejected, ignored or told we are “just friends” by the object of our affections.
So what’s the solution?
GUYS
Get over the LITTLE RED HEADED GIRL! Life isn’t a Hollywood movie. Your ex girlfriend isn’t going to suddenly beg to take you back and even if she did would you really want her to? Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who belittled you and destroyed your self esteem just because she has really pretty hair? Do you really want to reject someone whose smart nice and cool and who sees you as a great person just because they DON’T HAVE THAT PRETTY HAIR?
There are plenty of “Little Red Headed Girls” guys; the world is filled with millions of them. Marcie however is smart, imaginative, witty and real. The Marcie girls, the ones who see all the amazing things in yourself that you refuse to see but who are still intelligent, funny and confident come ONCE or maybe TWICE in a life time. The Little Red Headed girl is a fantasy, Marcie is real.
GIRLS.
If all of this rings a little true and if you are a Marcie girl you don’t need to put up with this crap from anyone. Marcie is intelligent, she’s imaginative (the only person who indulges Snoopy’s fantasy’s) witty and loyal. The Marcie’s of this world were not put on earth to follow around some lonely guy who can’t get over a fantasy. If you see guys who still has his Little Red Headed girl then RUN and find someone else. Someone who deserves you.
Of course years later I found out about the evil, unholy, little Red Headed Girl. Why is she so evil you may ask? Because she pretty much represents the one obstacle the Marcie’s of the world face when trying to find true love. The Little Red Headed Girl is the “perfect girl who got away”. This girl may be a guy “ex” girlfriend who we logically assume by their behavior was a complete psycho. This girl may be a pop singer who the guy has an unhealthy obsession with. Finally in the case of “the little redheaded girl” it might be a girl who the guy once barely knew but spent an unnatural time “obsessing” over until they turn the said girl into a charity supporting genius wonder woman who loves star wars movies. If a Marcie is lucky the guy she meets like in all sitcoms has been through a situation where they discovered their little red headed girl was a true fraud. She may have been gorgeous but that doesn’t excuse the fact they once set fire to their car during the relationship, or called them a douche behind their back or in the case of a celebrity doesn’t even know they exist.
This isn’t always the case however.
We’ve all been in that situation girls and we’re often dismissively told that “his just not that into you” which lets face it is complete and utter bullshit. As the immortal and fabulous Dawn French once said “all a guy needs is tits and a pulse”. His “just not that into you” merely translates into “his just waiting for the evil little redheaded girl”. So why am I bitching about this? After all pretty fantasy girls need love too!
I’m bitching because Marcie represents the plight of many, bright imaginative kind and fantastic women. We will never be the little red headed girl which means we will constantly be rejected, ignored or told we are “just friends” by the object of our affections.
So what’s the solution?
GUYS
Get over the LITTLE RED HEADED GIRL! Life isn’t a Hollywood movie. Your ex girlfriend isn’t going to suddenly beg to take you back and even if she did would you really want her to? Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who belittled you and destroyed your self esteem just because she has really pretty hair? Do you really want to reject someone whose smart nice and cool and who sees you as a great person just because they DON’T HAVE THAT PRETTY HAIR?
There are plenty of “Little Red Headed Girls” guys; the world is filled with millions of them. Marcie however is smart, imaginative, witty and real. The Marcie girls, the ones who see all the amazing things in yourself that you refuse to see but who are still intelligent, funny and confident come ONCE or maybe TWICE in a life time. The Little Red Headed girl is a fantasy, Marcie is real.
GIRLS.
If all of this rings a little true and if you are a Marcie girl you don’t need to put up with this crap from anyone. Marcie is intelligent, she’s imaginative (the only person who indulges Snoopy’s fantasy’s) witty and loyal. The Marcie’s of this world were not put on earth to follow around some lonely guy who can’t get over a fantasy. If you see guys who still has his Little Red Headed girl then RUN and find someone else. Someone who deserves you.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The rage of Jill Donley
If I was going to assess myself, deep down and say what my flaw or my achilles heel is that I'm to clever when it comes to hurting the people who have hurt me. I have a firm belief that fucked up middle class white parents can produce some of the most fucked up abused children, mainly because this abuse doesn't get spotted for years, if ever because most adults assume THEYRE WHITE, WITH A HUGE LAWN AND CABLE TELEVISION THE KIDS HAVE TO BE HAPPY. I'm not talking about that psycho bullying Emily Gilmore bullshit either. You can rise above your mother being a bitch trust me on this. I'm talking about real abuse. For as long as I could remember my father was an alchoholic, the therapist says its because my grandmother used to beat the shit out of dad so he drinks to avoid any sort of conflict. It wasn't so bad when I was a kid mainly because he was never home before I went to sleep and he was the drunk who would sleep on the couch he never hit me or yelled at me.
Then my brother was diagnosed with manic depression during his early teens. The thing most people assume about manic depression is that when your manic your energetic and happy. Not true. My brother became angry, violent loud and angry, he would scream like a junkie coming off ICE. He would beat me up so bad I'd have bruises all over my arms and I broke my nose,ribs and arm. But this isn't his story. This was is my story.
I was told I was the normal one, the GOOD one, for years I was a nice sweet smart girl. Then suddenly my father unable to protect me against this six foot tall monster started drinking so bad he almost died twice and destroyed his heart.
He would literally piss all over the floor and shit his pants he drank so much.
I became angry because I knew I had no right to express my pain, the anger built up to such an intense level I let it out the only way I could. With my words.
Terry Pratchett once said fairy godmothers fundmentally understand human nature which makes the good ones bad and the bad ones dangerous.
My pain warped me into a bad fairy godmother.
I'm ashamed and disgusted with what I did to my friends, family and former boyfriends.
I couldnt stand up to my brother without risking a broken bone, I couldnt leave home in case my father drunk himself to death while mum was at work, so trapped I attacked everyone.
I knew the exact things to say in order to hurt the people I loved.
I knew that calling my mother a "fat bitch" when she bought my father beer hurt her, I knew that saying spiteful cruel things about my friends when they went binge drinking hurt them and would make them leave me alone.
I had a boyfriend for two years who I dumped after finding my dad passed out on the floor drunk with vomit on his front. The boyfriend was a lovely guy and I cared about him so much. He got really busy with his exams and when he sent me an email after not talking to me for five weeks I got so angry I told him to go, I was horrible to him. Then I was so horrified and embarrassed by the way I treated to him I didnt speak to him for four years.
Am I still like this? the rage has taken awhile but it's slowly dying away like a fire in winter. My brother left several months ago. He cant touch me anymore and my father has been healthy and sober for two and a half years.
I no longer call my mother a fat bitch and I no longer bitch about my friends. The thing however is people who knew me only remember the rage. People only remember the worst things about you.
Then my brother was diagnosed with manic depression during his early teens. The thing most people assume about manic depression is that when your manic your energetic and happy. Not true. My brother became angry, violent loud and angry, he would scream like a junkie coming off ICE. He would beat me up so bad I'd have bruises all over my arms and I broke my nose,ribs and arm. But this isn't his story. This was is my story.
I was told I was the normal one, the GOOD one, for years I was a nice sweet smart girl. Then suddenly my father unable to protect me against this six foot tall monster started drinking so bad he almost died twice and destroyed his heart.
He would literally piss all over the floor and shit his pants he drank so much.
I became angry because I knew I had no right to express my pain, the anger built up to such an intense level I let it out the only way I could. With my words.
Terry Pratchett once said fairy godmothers fundmentally understand human nature which makes the good ones bad and the bad ones dangerous.
My pain warped me into a bad fairy godmother.
I'm ashamed and disgusted with what I did to my friends, family and former boyfriends.
I couldnt stand up to my brother without risking a broken bone, I couldnt leave home in case my father drunk himself to death while mum was at work, so trapped I attacked everyone.
I knew the exact things to say in order to hurt the people I loved.
I knew that calling my mother a "fat bitch" when she bought my father beer hurt her, I knew that saying spiteful cruel things about my friends when they went binge drinking hurt them and would make them leave me alone.
I had a boyfriend for two years who I dumped after finding my dad passed out on the floor drunk with vomit on his front. The boyfriend was a lovely guy and I cared about him so much. He got really busy with his exams and when he sent me an email after not talking to me for five weeks I got so angry I told him to go, I was horrible to him. Then I was so horrified and embarrassed by the way I treated to him I didnt speak to him for four years.
Am I still like this? the rage has taken awhile but it's slowly dying away like a fire in winter. My brother left several months ago. He cant touch me anymore and my father has been healthy and sober for two and a half years.
I no longer call my mother a fat bitch and I no longer bitch about my friends. The thing however is people who knew me only remember the rage. People only remember the worst things about you.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
My dream wedding
Despite my progressive viewpoint on many different issues I want to get married and have kids. This was something I had to deny for a while because my ex hated children and dreamed of secretly torching weddings. For him a marrige was patriarchical system full of evil and bullshit failing to see that for some people marrige is actually a promise when you find someone to always be their for them no matter what and to expect the vice versa. For him all children were killer zombies of death. The great thing about being single now is I'm free to have my little magical fantasy's about my dream wedding/husband/ marrige.
This is what I want.
Some day ( not today, not tomorrow, not even next month but some day) I want to get married at Avoca Art Gallery my grandmothers resting place so she can be there with me in spirit. I want to wear a beautiful Jane Austin dress or a gold and white sari, my bridesmaids will wear cobalt blue and we will carry my favorite flowers blue irises and red roses. One of the bridesmaids will be my dog cleo and she will be carried by my mother in a basket wearing a cobalt blue satin ribbon ( Cleo LOVES people so she'll have the best time EVER).
I want my husband to be my best friend and my lover, I was him to be imaginative kind and the sort of person who tries to see the best in everyone. Most of all I want him to love me entirely for who I am, I want to love him for who he is.
I want to walk down the aisle to a sigor ros song and I want our first dance to be Hold Me Now by the Polyphonic spree.
I want to give everyone at the wedding a candle from me with a poem written by me wrapped around it.
I want an ACDC cover band to play at the reception.
I want one of Suki from Gilmore Girls amazing giant chocolate cakes.
I want my husband and I to live happily ever after (even during the bad times) in a lovely house filled with music and books and art. I want us to travel the world just like Aladdin and Jasmine having adventures, I want him to tell me that I'm special without me asking for it because nobody ever has. I want him to be a kind father who inspires cuddles in our beautiful children, who reads them stories and gets worried when they become teenagers.
I never want him to drink.
I want my children not to be cursed with my brothers rage but instead to grow up and have wonderfully ordinary extrodinary lives free from the pain I've experienced.
I want to play dress ups with my kids and take them to sport or ballet or art classes, I want to worry about them when I'm sick.
I want to write stories for my future children.
Some day when I'm ready I know I'll be able to make a wonderful family, I can feel that sort of love inside me when I hear my puppy Cleo whimper at four in the morning and my first reaction is the jump out of bed and rescue her.
Someday this will happen, but not today.
This is what I want.
Some day ( not today, not tomorrow, not even next month but some day) I want to get married at Avoca Art Gallery my grandmothers resting place so she can be there with me in spirit. I want to wear a beautiful Jane Austin dress or a gold and white sari, my bridesmaids will wear cobalt blue and we will carry my favorite flowers blue irises and red roses. One of the bridesmaids will be my dog cleo and she will be carried by my mother in a basket wearing a cobalt blue satin ribbon ( Cleo LOVES people so she'll have the best time EVER).
I want my husband to be my best friend and my lover, I was him to be imaginative kind and the sort of person who tries to see the best in everyone. Most of all I want him to love me entirely for who I am, I want to love him for who he is.
I want to walk down the aisle to a sigor ros song and I want our first dance to be Hold Me Now by the Polyphonic spree.
I want to give everyone at the wedding a candle from me with a poem written by me wrapped around it.
I want an ACDC cover band to play at the reception.
I want one of Suki from Gilmore Girls amazing giant chocolate cakes.
I want my husband and I to live happily ever after (even during the bad times) in a lovely house filled with music and books and art. I want us to travel the world just like Aladdin and Jasmine having adventures, I want him to tell me that I'm special without me asking for it because nobody ever has. I want him to be a kind father who inspires cuddles in our beautiful children, who reads them stories and gets worried when they become teenagers.
I never want him to drink.
I want my children not to be cursed with my brothers rage but instead to grow up and have wonderfully ordinary extrodinary lives free from the pain I've experienced.
I want to play dress ups with my kids and take them to sport or ballet or art classes, I want to worry about them when I'm sick.
I want to write stories for my future children.
Some day when I'm ready I know I'll be able to make a wonderful family, I can feel that sort of love inside me when I hear my puppy Cleo whimper at four in the morning and my first reaction is the jump out of bed and rescue her.
Someday this will happen, but not today.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The trap I'm in.
On reflecting twenty four years on this planet ( which is almost a quarter a century) I have one realisation, I dont think any boyfriend has truly ever been in love with. Whenever a relationship comes to an end the excuse I always get is I'm the most wonderful amazing awesome girl ever but they cant be "in love" with me instead they just love me as a friend. This hurts a fair bit especially when they get all guilty about it and start crying. That sucks.
The thing that I find really weird about this treatment is I see guys profess their love to girls who are well lying shallow not very nice people. I try not to judge but my mother's co-worker is my age, she's married to her loving adoring husband yet she openly tells him she wants to sleep with other men and spends all her time bragging about how often she screams at him because he doesnt share the same interests.
In the movies the guy always falls in love with the beautiful aloof bitch girl, finding her vile insulting behavior "charming" and "refreshing".
So whats the answer? should I be a complete bitch to gain love? I went through my bitch phase like all girls when I was fourteen mainly in retaliation to all the girls who bitched me out first. It was exhausting. By the time I was fifteen I was so over it.
It makes me wonder what qualities a guy looks for when he falls in love, I'm told I'm unique and special but what they want is every day and ordinary. I'm told that I'm very nice, what they really want is to be insulted.
This has been going on since my first boyfriend in highschool when he dumped me after four months because he wasn't "in love" with me.
There is a profound sense of never measuring up. Maybe I just have a different idea of what in love is, I see being in love as a profound connection with a human being, having a person in your life who truly makes you happy.
Maybe other people see being in love as quietly pining and being hurt by a mysterious broody bitch.
The thing that I find really weird about this treatment is I see guys profess their love to girls who are well lying shallow not very nice people. I try not to judge but my mother's co-worker is my age, she's married to her loving adoring husband yet she openly tells him she wants to sleep with other men and spends all her time bragging about how often she screams at him because he doesnt share the same interests.
In the movies the guy always falls in love with the beautiful aloof bitch girl, finding her vile insulting behavior "charming" and "refreshing".
So whats the answer? should I be a complete bitch to gain love? I went through my bitch phase like all girls when I was fourteen mainly in retaliation to all the girls who bitched me out first. It was exhausting. By the time I was fifteen I was so over it.
It makes me wonder what qualities a guy looks for when he falls in love, I'm told I'm unique and special but what they want is every day and ordinary. I'm told that I'm very nice, what they really want is to be insulted.
This has been going on since my first boyfriend in highschool when he dumped me after four months because he wasn't "in love" with me.
There is a profound sense of never measuring up. Maybe I just have a different idea of what in love is, I see being in love as a profound connection with a human being, having a person in your life who truly makes you happy.
Maybe other people see being in love as quietly pining and being hurt by a mysterious broody bitch.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Two headed boy
This past week my life has been turning into sitcom worthy proportions. As I said in backround history I was very sick for almost seven months and many of my old friends abandoned me. My new years resolution was to connect to more people and find people who accept me for who I am. Enter Facebook boy, Facebook boy was my little friend in primary school and I added him over a year ago when adding the entire primary school alumni.
I didn't actually start speaking to him until three weeks ago when I was given a primary school class at work and DUM DUM DUM he was a primary school teacher.
We instantly hit it off! not just because we liked similiar things but well it was a good personality mash! I was so happy because YAY somebody liked me for me and didn't expect me to change. I was also happy because I'd connected with an amazing interesting person.On monday my old BFF went through one of her "suicidal" moods declaring she wanted to kill herself and fade away, she made me promise to have a girls night with her TONIGHT. Ok I've lost my voice and I'm recovering from tonsilitits but I said yes. Then facebook boy comes onto msn and tells me that one of the kids we went to school with is a fantasy author now and is having a book launch, would I like to go? I had to tell him no! I'd already made a comittment to my bff!
Fast forward to today, I ring the BFF right before I'm due to leave despite feeling like death warmed up and she informs me she completly forgot and she's going to the dentist.
The weird thing is I HAD A DREAM THAT NIGHT WHERE SHE WOULD BLOW ME OFF.
I dont have facebook guys number and I know his going after work so it's way too late to contact him and tell him I'm going, besides I'm still really sick.
Yes, life is full of complications.
I didn't actually start speaking to him until three weeks ago when I was given a primary school class at work and DUM DUM DUM he was a primary school teacher.
We instantly hit it off! not just because we liked similiar things but well it was a good personality mash! I was so happy because YAY somebody liked me for me and didn't expect me to change. I was also happy because I'd connected with an amazing interesting person.On monday my old BFF went through one of her "suicidal" moods declaring she wanted to kill herself and fade away, she made me promise to have a girls night with her TONIGHT. Ok I've lost my voice and I'm recovering from tonsilitits but I said yes. Then facebook boy comes onto msn and tells me that one of the kids we went to school with is a fantasy author now and is having a book launch, would I like to go? I had to tell him no! I'd already made a comittment to my bff!
Fast forward to today, I ring the BFF right before I'm due to leave despite feeling like death warmed up and she informs me she completly forgot and she's going to the dentist.
The weird thing is I HAD A DREAM THAT NIGHT WHERE SHE WOULD BLOW ME OFF.
I dont have facebook guys number and I know his going after work so it's way too late to contact him and tell him I'm going, besides I'm still really sick.
Yes, life is full of complications.
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