One of the fundemental rules of being a true "nerd girl" is a deep and all consuming passionate love for our dear Jane. If you're a girl claiming to be a "girl nerd" who has never read pride and prejudice I'm sorry but you're full of crap and no I dont care how many Doctor Who fanfics you've written.
Today however on the long bus ride home I started thinking to myself why is it that we all love Jane so much? is it because of her fiesty leading ladies who rebel against society and conformity for love? hmm no.
I think it has something to do with the men.
One of the things that sucks about being a girl nerd is the men who arn't socially retarded when it comes to dating are incredibly boring because their interests lie soley in cars and football while the men who share a girl-nerd's interest are completly incapable of forming a romance with a woman without turning into either obsessive stalkers or forgetting about their girlfriend the moment the latest version of final fantasy comes out.
Jane however provides us with a world where the men and women SHARE interests but the men are CAPABLE OF WOOING, oh be still my quivering bodice. One of my all time favorite Austen romances is NOT Elizabeth and Darcy but rather Henry and Catherine! the moment the two of them squeed and fangirled over gothic novels I suddenly felt myself aching for my own Henry, charming, funny and a little bit silly who shares my geeky interest.
Jane gets us, we dont just want an Edward Cullen or Rambo, we want the package of charm but also compatibility.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Belonging or not belonging
One of the things we often is hear is "those who cant do teach" which isnt actually true. My first degree was a double degree in journalism and english . In this case I could "do" I had articles published in several magazines and I got HD's in all my classes.The problem was when I finished my first degree I realised I hated journalism. Sure I love reading fashion magazines but seriously do you have any idea how messed up it is working in an eviroment with superficial glamozons who spend their days judging celebrities on their choice of boot colour? to literally see people rip apart someones relationship for entertainment *cough*that twilight couple *cough* During my internship at an unnamed womens magazine I was sent out to photograph girls and interview them about issues. I was told when returning however that the girls I had photographed were too "ugly" so horrified I decided journalism wasnt for me. I am not Ugly Betty campaigning for differences, I am a teacher.
This is where I am right now and I'm not a naturally "gifted" teacher like I was in journalism. I'm not getting the high marks and everything is much harder, but is it worth it? actually it is.
This is where I am right now and I'm not a naturally "gifted" teacher like I was in journalism. I'm not getting the high marks and everything is much harder, but is it worth it? actually it is.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
KISS HER YOU BLOCK HEAD! or Marcie the Little Red Headed Girl and Charlie Brown.
One of my key childhood memories involves the comic strip Peanuts. I was obsessed; I named all my Barbie dolls after the female characters and acted out my favorite strips with elaborate musical interludes and costumes. The number one strip I remember however was when Marcie confessed to Charlie Brown that she loved him and he stood their stunned! His sister then screamed “kiss her you blockhead”. I have no idea why this strip affected my memory so much, maybe because I was confused thinking Marcie was gay for Peppermint Patty or maybe it was because I couldn’t understand WHY Charlie Brown rejected Marcie! After all Charlie Brown spent forty years bitching about his loneliness and his desire for someone to understand him. Then finally after FORTY YEARS a cute smart girl comes along and gives him everything he could ever want! Why did he run away?
Of course years later I found out about the evil, unholy, little Red Headed Girl. Why is she so evil you may ask? Because she pretty much represents the one obstacle the Marcie’s of the world face when trying to find true love. The Little Red Headed Girl is the “perfect girl who got away”. This girl may be a guy “ex” girlfriend who we logically assume by their behavior was a complete psycho. This girl may be a pop singer who the guy has an unhealthy obsession with. Finally in the case of “the little redheaded girl” it might be a girl who the guy once barely knew but spent an unnatural time “obsessing” over until they turn the said girl into a charity supporting genius wonder woman who loves star wars movies. If a Marcie is lucky the guy she meets like in all sitcoms has been through a situation where they discovered their little red headed girl was a true fraud. She may have been gorgeous but that doesn’t excuse the fact they once set fire to their car during the relationship, or called them a douche behind their back or in the case of a celebrity doesn’t even know they exist.
This isn’t always the case however.
We’ve all been in that situation girls and we’re often dismissively told that “his just not that into you” which lets face it is complete and utter bullshit. As the immortal and fabulous Dawn French once said “all a guy needs is tits and a pulse”. His “just not that into you” merely translates into “his just waiting for the evil little redheaded girl”. So why am I bitching about this? After all pretty fantasy girls need love too!
I’m bitching because Marcie represents the plight of many, bright imaginative kind and fantastic women. We will never be the little red headed girl which means we will constantly be rejected, ignored or told we are “just friends” by the object of our affections.
So what’s the solution?
GUYS
Get over the LITTLE RED HEADED GIRL! Life isn’t a Hollywood movie. Your ex girlfriend isn’t going to suddenly beg to take you back and even if she did would you really want her to? Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who belittled you and destroyed your self esteem just because she has really pretty hair? Do you really want to reject someone whose smart nice and cool and who sees you as a great person just because they DON’T HAVE THAT PRETTY HAIR?
There are plenty of “Little Red Headed Girls” guys; the world is filled with millions of them. Marcie however is smart, imaginative, witty and real. The Marcie girls, the ones who see all the amazing things in yourself that you refuse to see but who are still intelligent, funny and confident come ONCE or maybe TWICE in a life time. The Little Red Headed girl is a fantasy, Marcie is real.
GIRLS.
If all of this rings a little true and if you are a Marcie girl you don’t need to put up with this crap from anyone. Marcie is intelligent, she’s imaginative (the only person who indulges Snoopy’s fantasy’s) witty and loyal. The Marcie’s of this world were not put on earth to follow around some lonely guy who can’t get over a fantasy. If you see guys who still has his Little Red Headed girl then RUN and find someone else. Someone who deserves you.
Of course years later I found out about the evil, unholy, little Red Headed Girl. Why is she so evil you may ask? Because she pretty much represents the one obstacle the Marcie’s of the world face when trying to find true love. The Little Red Headed Girl is the “perfect girl who got away”. This girl may be a guy “ex” girlfriend who we logically assume by their behavior was a complete psycho. This girl may be a pop singer who the guy has an unhealthy obsession with. Finally in the case of “the little redheaded girl” it might be a girl who the guy once barely knew but spent an unnatural time “obsessing” over until they turn the said girl into a charity supporting genius wonder woman who loves star wars movies. If a Marcie is lucky the guy she meets like in all sitcoms has been through a situation where they discovered their little red headed girl was a true fraud. She may have been gorgeous but that doesn’t excuse the fact they once set fire to their car during the relationship, or called them a douche behind their back or in the case of a celebrity doesn’t even know they exist.
This isn’t always the case however.
We’ve all been in that situation girls and we’re often dismissively told that “his just not that into you” which lets face it is complete and utter bullshit. As the immortal and fabulous Dawn French once said “all a guy needs is tits and a pulse”. His “just not that into you” merely translates into “his just waiting for the evil little redheaded girl”. So why am I bitching about this? After all pretty fantasy girls need love too!
I’m bitching because Marcie represents the plight of many, bright imaginative kind and fantastic women. We will never be the little red headed girl which means we will constantly be rejected, ignored or told we are “just friends” by the object of our affections.
So what’s the solution?
GUYS
Get over the LITTLE RED HEADED GIRL! Life isn’t a Hollywood movie. Your ex girlfriend isn’t going to suddenly beg to take you back and even if she did would you really want her to? Would you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who belittled you and destroyed your self esteem just because she has really pretty hair? Do you really want to reject someone whose smart nice and cool and who sees you as a great person just because they DON’T HAVE THAT PRETTY HAIR?
There are plenty of “Little Red Headed Girls” guys; the world is filled with millions of them. Marcie however is smart, imaginative, witty and real. The Marcie girls, the ones who see all the amazing things in yourself that you refuse to see but who are still intelligent, funny and confident come ONCE or maybe TWICE in a life time. The Little Red Headed girl is a fantasy, Marcie is real.
GIRLS.
If all of this rings a little true and if you are a Marcie girl you don’t need to put up with this crap from anyone. Marcie is intelligent, she’s imaginative (the only person who indulges Snoopy’s fantasy’s) witty and loyal. The Marcie’s of this world were not put on earth to follow around some lonely guy who can’t get over a fantasy. If you see guys who still has his Little Red Headed girl then RUN and find someone else. Someone who deserves you.
Monday, June 8, 2009
The rage of Jill Donley
If I was going to assess myself, deep down and say what my flaw or my achilles heel is that I'm to clever when it comes to hurting the people who have hurt me. I have a firm belief that fucked up middle class white parents can produce some of the most fucked up abused children, mainly because this abuse doesn't get spotted for years, if ever because most adults assume THEYRE WHITE, WITH A HUGE LAWN AND CABLE TELEVISION THE KIDS HAVE TO BE HAPPY. I'm not talking about that psycho bullying Emily Gilmore bullshit either. You can rise above your mother being a bitch trust me on this. I'm talking about real abuse. For as long as I could remember my father was an alchoholic, the therapist says its because my grandmother used to beat the shit out of dad so he drinks to avoid any sort of conflict. It wasn't so bad when I was a kid mainly because he was never home before I went to sleep and he was the drunk who would sleep on the couch he never hit me or yelled at me.
Then my brother was diagnosed with manic depression during his early teens. The thing most people assume about manic depression is that when your manic your energetic and happy. Not true. My brother became angry, violent loud and angry, he would scream like a junkie coming off ICE. He would beat me up so bad I'd have bruises all over my arms and I broke my nose,ribs and arm. But this isn't his story. This was is my story.
I was told I was the normal one, the GOOD one, for years I was a nice sweet smart girl. Then suddenly my father unable to protect me against this six foot tall monster started drinking so bad he almost died twice and destroyed his heart.
He would literally piss all over the floor and shit his pants he drank so much.
I became angry because I knew I had no right to express my pain, the anger built up to such an intense level I let it out the only way I could. With my words.
Terry Pratchett once said fairy godmothers fundmentally understand human nature which makes the good ones bad and the bad ones dangerous.
My pain warped me into a bad fairy godmother.
I'm ashamed and disgusted with what I did to my friends, family and former boyfriends.
I couldnt stand up to my brother without risking a broken bone, I couldnt leave home in case my father drunk himself to death while mum was at work, so trapped I attacked everyone.
I knew the exact things to say in order to hurt the people I loved.
I knew that calling my mother a "fat bitch" when she bought my father beer hurt her, I knew that saying spiteful cruel things about my friends when they went binge drinking hurt them and would make them leave me alone.
I had a boyfriend for two years who I dumped after finding my dad passed out on the floor drunk with vomit on his front. The boyfriend was a lovely guy and I cared about him so much. He got really busy with his exams and when he sent me an email after not talking to me for five weeks I got so angry I told him to go, I was horrible to him. Then I was so horrified and embarrassed by the way I treated to him I didnt speak to him for four years.
Am I still like this? the rage has taken awhile but it's slowly dying away like a fire in winter. My brother left several months ago. He cant touch me anymore and my father has been healthy and sober for two and a half years.
I no longer call my mother a fat bitch and I no longer bitch about my friends. The thing however is people who knew me only remember the rage. People only remember the worst things about you.
Then my brother was diagnosed with manic depression during his early teens. The thing most people assume about manic depression is that when your manic your energetic and happy. Not true. My brother became angry, violent loud and angry, he would scream like a junkie coming off ICE. He would beat me up so bad I'd have bruises all over my arms and I broke my nose,ribs and arm. But this isn't his story. This was is my story.
I was told I was the normal one, the GOOD one, for years I was a nice sweet smart girl. Then suddenly my father unable to protect me against this six foot tall monster started drinking so bad he almost died twice and destroyed his heart.
He would literally piss all over the floor and shit his pants he drank so much.
I became angry because I knew I had no right to express my pain, the anger built up to such an intense level I let it out the only way I could. With my words.
Terry Pratchett once said fairy godmothers fundmentally understand human nature which makes the good ones bad and the bad ones dangerous.
My pain warped me into a bad fairy godmother.
I'm ashamed and disgusted with what I did to my friends, family and former boyfriends.
I couldnt stand up to my brother without risking a broken bone, I couldnt leave home in case my father drunk himself to death while mum was at work, so trapped I attacked everyone.
I knew the exact things to say in order to hurt the people I loved.
I knew that calling my mother a "fat bitch" when she bought my father beer hurt her, I knew that saying spiteful cruel things about my friends when they went binge drinking hurt them and would make them leave me alone.
I had a boyfriend for two years who I dumped after finding my dad passed out on the floor drunk with vomit on his front. The boyfriend was a lovely guy and I cared about him so much. He got really busy with his exams and when he sent me an email after not talking to me for five weeks I got so angry I told him to go, I was horrible to him. Then I was so horrified and embarrassed by the way I treated to him I didnt speak to him for four years.
Am I still like this? the rage has taken awhile but it's slowly dying away like a fire in winter. My brother left several months ago. He cant touch me anymore and my father has been healthy and sober for two and a half years.
I no longer call my mother a fat bitch and I no longer bitch about my friends. The thing however is people who knew me only remember the rage. People only remember the worst things about you.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
My dream wedding
Despite my progressive viewpoint on many different issues I want to get married and have kids. This was something I had to deny for a while because my ex hated children and dreamed of secretly torching weddings. For him a marrige was patriarchical system full of evil and bullshit failing to see that for some people marrige is actually a promise when you find someone to always be their for them no matter what and to expect the vice versa. For him all children were killer zombies of death. The great thing about being single now is I'm free to have my little magical fantasy's about my dream wedding/husband/ marrige.
This is what I want.
Some day ( not today, not tomorrow, not even next month but some day) I want to get married at Avoca Art Gallery my grandmothers resting place so she can be there with me in spirit. I want to wear a beautiful Jane Austin dress or a gold and white sari, my bridesmaids will wear cobalt blue and we will carry my favorite flowers blue irises and red roses. One of the bridesmaids will be my dog cleo and she will be carried by my mother in a basket wearing a cobalt blue satin ribbon ( Cleo LOVES people so she'll have the best time EVER).
I want my husband to be my best friend and my lover, I was him to be imaginative kind and the sort of person who tries to see the best in everyone. Most of all I want him to love me entirely for who I am, I want to love him for who he is.
I want to walk down the aisle to a sigor ros song and I want our first dance to be Hold Me Now by the Polyphonic spree.
I want to give everyone at the wedding a candle from me with a poem written by me wrapped around it.
I want an ACDC cover band to play at the reception.
I want one of Suki from Gilmore Girls amazing giant chocolate cakes.
I want my husband and I to live happily ever after (even during the bad times) in a lovely house filled with music and books and art. I want us to travel the world just like Aladdin and Jasmine having adventures, I want him to tell me that I'm special without me asking for it because nobody ever has. I want him to be a kind father who inspires cuddles in our beautiful children, who reads them stories and gets worried when they become teenagers.
I never want him to drink.
I want my children not to be cursed with my brothers rage but instead to grow up and have wonderfully ordinary extrodinary lives free from the pain I've experienced.
I want to play dress ups with my kids and take them to sport or ballet or art classes, I want to worry about them when I'm sick.
I want to write stories for my future children.
Some day when I'm ready I know I'll be able to make a wonderful family, I can feel that sort of love inside me when I hear my puppy Cleo whimper at four in the morning and my first reaction is the jump out of bed and rescue her.
Someday this will happen, but not today.
This is what I want.
Some day ( not today, not tomorrow, not even next month but some day) I want to get married at Avoca Art Gallery my grandmothers resting place so she can be there with me in spirit. I want to wear a beautiful Jane Austin dress or a gold and white sari, my bridesmaids will wear cobalt blue and we will carry my favorite flowers blue irises and red roses. One of the bridesmaids will be my dog cleo and she will be carried by my mother in a basket wearing a cobalt blue satin ribbon ( Cleo LOVES people so she'll have the best time EVER).
I want my husband to be my best friend and my lover, I was him to be imaginative kind and the sort of person who tries to see the best in everyone. Most of all I want him to love me entirely for who I am, I want to love him for who he is.
I want to walk down the aisle to a sigor ros song and I want our first dance to be Hold Me Now by the Polyphonic spree.
I want to give everyone at the wedding a candle from me with a poem written by me wrapped around it.
I want an ACDC cover band to play at the reception.
I want one of Suki from Gilmore Girls amazing giant chocolate cakes.
I want my husband and I to live happily ever after (even during the bad times) in a lovely house filled with music and books and art. I want us to travel the world just like Aladdin and Jasmine having adventures, I want him to tell me that I'm special without me asking for it because nobody ever has. I want him to be a kind father who inspires cuddles in our beautiful children, who reads them stories and gets worried when they become teenagers.
I never want him to drink.
I want my children not to be cursed with my brothers rage but instead to grow up and have wonderfully ordinary extrodinary lives free from the pain I've experienced.
I want to play dress ups with my kids and take them to sport or ballet or art classes, I want to worry about them when I'm sick.
I want to write stories for my future children.
Some day when I'm ready I know I'll be able to make a wonderful family, I can feel that sort of love inside me when I hear my puppy Cleo whimper at four in the morning and my first reaction is the jump out of bed and rescue her.
Someday this will happen, but not today.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
The trap I'm in.
On reflecting twenty four years on this planet ( which is almost a quarter a century) I have one realisation, I dont think any boyfriend has truly ever been in love with. Whenever a relationship comes to an end the excuse I always get is I'm the most wonderful amazing awesome girl ever but they cant be "in love" with me instead they just love me as a friend. This hurts a fair bit especially when they get all guilty about it and start crying. That sucks.
The thing that I find really weird about this treatment is I see guys profess their love to girls who are well lying shallow not very nice people. I try not to judge but my mother's co-worker is my age, she's married to her loving adoring husband yet she openly tells him she wants to sleep with other men and spends all her time bragging about how often she screams at him because he doesnt share the same interests.
In the movies the guy always falls in love with the beautiful aloof bitch girl, finding her vile insulting behavior "charming" and "refreshing".
So whats the answer? should I be a complete bitch to gain love? I went through my bitch phase like all girls when I was fourteen mainly in retaliation to all the girls who bitched me out first. It was exhausting. By the time I was fifteen I was so over it.
It makes me wonder what qualities a guy looks for when he falls in love, I'm told I'm unique and special but what they want is every day and ordinary. I'm told that I'm very nice, what they really want is to be insulted.
This has been going on since my first boyfriend in highschool when he dumped me after four months because he wasn't "in love" with me.
There is a profound sense of never measuring up. Maybe I just have a different idea of what in love is, I see being in love as a profound connection with a human being, having a person in your life who truly makes you happy.
Maybe other people see being in love as quietly pining and being hurt by a mysterious broody bitch.
The thing that I find really weird about this treatment is I see guys profess their love to girls who are well lying shallow not very nice people. I try not to judge but my mother's co-worker is my age, she's married to her loving adoring husband yet she openly tells him she wants to sleep with other men and spends all her time bragging about how often she screams at him because he doesnt share the same interests.
In the movies the guy always falls in love with the beautiful aloof bitch girl, finding her vile insulting behavior "charming" and "refreshing".
So whats the answer? should I be a complete bitch to gain love? I went through my bitch phase like all girls when I was fourteen mainly in retaliation to all the girls who bitched me out first. It was exhausting. By the time I was fifteen I was so over it.
It makes me wonder what qualities a guy looks for when he falls in love, I'm told I'm unique and special but what they want is every day and ordinary. I'm told that I'm very nice, what they really want is to be insulted.
This has been going on since my first boyfriend in highschool when he dumped me after four months because he wasn't "in love" with me.
There is a profound sense of never measuring up. Maybe I just have a different idea of what in love is, I see being in love as a profound connection with a human being, having a person in your life who truly makes you happy.
Maybe other people see being in love as quietly pining and being hurt by a mysterious broody bitch.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Two headed boy
This past week my life has been turning into sitcom worthy proportions. As I said in backround history I was very sick for almost seven months and many of my old friends abandoned me. My new years resolution was to connect to more people and find people who accept me for who I am. Enter Facebook boy, Facebook boy was my little friend in primary school and I added him over a year ago when adding the entire primary school alumni.
I didn't actually start speaking to him until three weeks ago when I was given a primary school class at work and DUM DUM DUM he was a primary school teacher.
We instantly hit it off! not just because we liked similiar things but well it was a good personality mash! I was so happy because YAY somebody liked me for me and didn't expect me to change. I was also happy because I'd connected with an amazing interesting person.On monday my old BFF went through one of her "suicidal" moods declaring she wanted to kill herself and fade away, she made me promise to have a girls night with her TONIGHT. Ok I've lost my voice and I'm recovering from tonsilitits but I said yes. Then facebook boy comes onto msn and tells me that one of the kids we went to school with is a fantasy author now and is having a book launch, would I like to go? I had to tell him no! I'd already made a comittment to my bff!
Fast forward to today, I ring the BFF right before I'm due to leave despite feeling like death warmed up and she informs me she completly forgot and she's going to the dentist.
The weird thing is I HAD A DREAM THAT NIGHT WHERE SHE WOULD BLOW ME OFF.
I dont have facebook guys number and I know his going after work so it's way too late to contact him and tell him I'm going, besides I'm still really sick.
Yes, life is full of complications.
I didn't actually start speaking to him until three weeks ago when I was given a primary school class at work and DUM DUM DUM he was a primary school teacher.
We instantly hit it off! not just because we liked similiar things but well it was a good personality mash! I was so happy because YAY somebody liked me for me and didn't expect me to change. I was also happy because I'd connected with an amazing interesting person.On monday my old BFF went through one of her "suicidal" moods declaring she wanted to kill herself and fade away, she made me promise to have a girls night with her TONIGHT. Ok I've lost my voice and I'm recovering from tonsilitits but I said yes. Then facebook boy comes onto msn and tells me that one of the kids we went to school with is a fantasy author now and is having a book launch, would I like to go? I had to tell him no! I'd already made a comittment to my bff!
Fast forward to today, I ring the BFF right before I'm due to leave despite feeling like death warmed up and she informs me she completly forgot and she's going to the dentist.
The weird thing is I HAD A DREAM THAT NIGHT WHERE SHE WOULD BLOW ME OFF.
I dont have facebook guys number and I know his going after work so it's way too late to contact him and tell him I'm going, besides I'm still really sick.
Yes, life is full of complications.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
How to Talk to Girls at Parties or Neil Gaiman's secret gay agenda
Feeling a little unwell I left behind a lesson plan at work for my students concerning my all time favorite Neil Gaiman tale " How to Talk to Girls at Parties" it's about a shy teenage boy whose clueless to the fact his talking to alien girls at a party. Theres nothing more harmful in this story then some KISSING. My students however complained to my supervisor saying the story made them uncomfortable because it was about...a gay teenager.
First of all no the teenager was not gay, just shy.
Secondly I was shocked by their ignorance that they associate "shyness" with being homosexual and that apparently being gay is a bad thing.
One of the things I've noticed in this society which my students made obvious is that unless you're sexually aggressive their must be something wrong with you and you must be ZOMG GAY. I remember despite my deep and unrequited love for Spike from Buffy I was accused several times of being a lesbian by my fellow students because I had no interest in random sex with some guy who used the word " fucking" as a prime adjective. I didn't like boys my own age, like my descendents who have fallen for Edward Cullen I wanted an intellectuel bad ass with super powers ( Ive since grown out of that, now it's all about Neil Patrick Harris).
This didn't make me gay.
I found it interesting that my students were also horrified by the sheer CONCEPT of a gay character despite the fact at least once person they know during their life time will be gay. In my case every boyfriend or guy I've ever had a crush on ended up gay ( yep I sure know how to pick them) but the point is GET OVER IT.
PEOPLE ARE GAY.
IT'S THEIR CHOICE AND THEIR IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.
I'd rather be in a loving lesbian relationship like Willow and Tara ( if I was actually attracted to women) then an abusive relationship like Spike and Buffy.
First of all no the teenager was not gay, just shy.
Secondly I was shocked by their ignorance that they associate "shyness" with being homosexual and that apparently being gay is a bad thing.
One of the things I've noticed in this society which my students made obvious is that unless you're sexually aggressive their must be something wrong with you and you must be ZOMG GAY. I remember despite my deep and unrequited love for Spike from Buffy I was accused several times of being a lesbian by my fellow students because I had no interest in random sex with some guy who used the word " fucking" as a prime adjective. I didn't like boys my own age, like my descendents who have fallen for Edward Cullen I wanted an intellectuel bad ass with super powers ( Ive since grown out of that, now it's all about Neil Patrick Harris).
This didn't make me gay.
I found it interesting that my students were also horrified by the sheer CONCEPT of a gay character despite the fact at least once person they know during their life time will be gay. In my case every boyfriend or guy I've ever had a crush on ended up gay ( yep I sure know how to pick them) but the point is GET OVER IT.
PEOPLE ARE GAY.
IT'S THEIR CHOICE AND THEIR IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT.
I'd rather be in a loving lesbian relationship like Willow and Tara ( if I was actually attracted to women) then an abusive relationship like Spike and Buffy.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Do you have faith in god above?
I find that Rufus said it best in Dogma " It's more important to have ideas then belief" when it comes to organised religion.
One of the things I've noticed especially in nerd world is you can fall into two categories, you either believe in a religion or your a hardcore athiest who believes the world is pointless.
There is no middle ground! I've always believed as Georgia Lass said in Dead Like Me that I have to trust that the universe will take care of me and that everything will happen for a reason. My perception of god isn't a religious idea which is either a old man, a blue man, a fat man or in one case a woman with flowers in her hair.
I believe that god is the force that makes the universe well alive, that god is in everything and connects everything and that it will make sure everything happens for a reason.
Life isn't fair, but think about it this way if life really WERE fair then wouldn't it be horrible knowing that bad things happen to us because we deserve them?
We may think that something is terrible right now but we have to trust its for the best in the future.
For example my breakup at the beginning of the month, at first I was devestated but then I realised it had to happen.
The universe knew that I didn't want all my options such as marrige/kids/pets taken away from me so it knew I had to be set free.
Sometimes when we get sick or when someone dies it's hard to see it this way but the only reason why life has value is because we know like River Song said on Doctor Who that everything dies.
But as it's shown on Doctor Who death is not "the end" rather just an evolution to a new stage of existance (such as Astrid turning into stardust or River Song turning into a computer file).
One of the things I've noticed especially in nerd world is you can fall into two categories, you either believe in a religion or your a hardcore athiest who believes the world is pointless.
There is no middle ground! I've always believed as Georgia Lass said in Dead Like Me that I have to trust that the universe will take care of me and that everything will happen for a reason. My perception of god isn't a religious idea which is either a old man, a blue man, a fat man or in one case a woman with flowers in her hair.
I believe that god is the force that makes the universe well alive, that god is in everything and connects everything and that it will make sure everything happens for a reason.
Life isn't fair, but think about it this way if life really WERE fair then wouldn't it be horrible knowing that bad things happen to us because we deserve them?
We may think that something is terrible right now but we have to trust its for the best in the future.
For example my breakup at the beginning of the month, at first I was devestated but then I realised it had to happen.
The universe knew that I didn't want all my options such as marrige/kids/pets taken away from me so it knew I had to be set free.
Sometimes when we get sick or when someone dies it's hard to see it this way but the only reason why life has value is because we know like River Song said on Doctor Who that everything dies.
But as it's shown on Doctor Who death is not "the end" rather just an evolution to a new stage of existance (such as Astrid turning into stardust or River Song turning into a computer file).
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Psychic vampires
Far more terrifying then Edward Cullen of William the Bloody ( which isn't that hard all things considering) is the dreaded, evil nice vampire.
So what exactly is a nice vampire? chances are you have encountered them in your life especially if you are a 'good'person. A nice vampire instead of sucking blood drains its prey of its politeness, kindness and compassion until there is nothing left at all. You know the sort of person who blogs and twitters constantly about their desire to kill themselves over a lost eye liner pencil and expects everyone to comment sympathetically and yet will never comment you the rare time you've announced that you broke your spinal chord at your grandparents funeral.
The sort of person who always wants to talk to you online about how their relationship problems and yet never has time to listen to you when you've lost your job.
The sort of person who arranges elaborate social gatherings and is insulted if you cant go yet flat out refuses to ever attend your birthday party.
As Rocko from Rocko's Modern Life once said a relationship is about "give and take" and nice vampires tend to take far more then they give.
They're the sort of boyfriend who will spend hours waxing on about how dark and poetic they are and yet they tell you to "just get over it" when you ring up crying because somebody sexually assaulted you on the train.
They're the sort of friend who spends all their time constantly picking on a new person to be their ultimate BFF only to discard them once they've drained that said friend of all their kindness.
Nice vampires are incredibly dangerous and hard to spot but here are the normal signs.
1: Do they force you to listen to their problems constantly and yet dismiss you when you have something to say?
2: Do they only ever talk to you when somethings wrong never actually inviting you to their fun parties and social events?
3: Are they always borrowing your things and then never returning them?
4: Do they make you want to scream and pull your hair out?
Chances are they are a nice vampire.
The only escape from a nice vampire is too delete them off your facebook.
So what exactly is a nice vampire? chances are you have encountered them in your life especially if you are a 'good'person. A nice vampire instead of sucking blood drains its prey of its politeness, kindness and compassion until there is nothing left at all. You know the sort of person who blogs and twitters constantly about their desire to kill themselves over a lost eye liner pencil and expects everyone to comment sympathetically and yet will never comment you the rare time you've announced that you broke your spinal chord at your grandparents funeral.
The sort of person who always wants to talk to you online about how their relationship problems and yet never has time to listen to you when you've lost your job.
The sort of person who arranges elaborate social gatherings and is insulted if you cant go yet flat out refuses to ever attend your birthday party.
As Rocko from Rocko's Modern Life once said a relationship is about "give and take" and nice vampires tend to take far more then they give.
They're the sort of boyfriend who will spend hours waxing on about how dark and poetic they are and yet they tell you to "just get over it" when you ring up crying because somebody sexually assaulted you on the train.
They're the sort of friend who spends all their time constantly picking on a new person to be their ultimate BFF only to discard them once they've drained that said friend of all their kindness.
Nice vampires are incredibly dangerous and hard to spot but here are the normal signs.
1: Do they force you to listen to their problems constantly and yet dismiss you when you have something to say?
2: Do they only ever talk to you when somethings wrong never actually inviting you to their fun parties and social events?
3: Are they always borrowing your things and then never returning them?
4: Do they make you want to scream and pull your hair out?
Chances are they are a nice vampire.
The only escape from a nice vampire is too delete them off your facebook.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Saying farewell to communication.
On Sunday night while cruising around on face book (you know discovering whose pregnant, whose gotten fat, that sort of thing) I saw that some photographs of my ex “great love” ( Doctor Evil finger gestures here guyds) boyfriend had been tagged. It had been well almost a year since the last time I actually clicked on his page because his usual persistent status updates showed up fulfilling me on everything I could ever need to know about his job/girlfriend/family. I clicked on his page to look at the new photos and saw that his last status update had been months ago and was a rather dramatic bleak statement, all other interactions had ceased online. The photos had been uploaded by someone else. Needless to say I was shocked, was this guy lying in a pool of his own vomit in the inner city? Was he off on a retreat to discover himself in Thailand? Who knows?
First some background information, I’ve started recovering from the worst year of my life. You know all the crap Spiderman went through in the three movies? Worse then that, much worse.
· Auto Immune Hepatitis/Diabetes incapacitating me for six months.
· A brother who was violently kicking the crap out of me while I was ill.
· A relationship with a Nilhist ( now there’s nothing wrong with being a Nilhist but as Annie Hall showed us optimists and pessimists don’t mix well together)
· A broken leg.
My brother attempting to kill me.
While experiencing all of this I was deeply depressed and more then anything I wanted someone, ANYONE to notice and perhaps ring me up or come over for a visit. Instead most of my friends abandoned me only starting to speak to me again as I began to recover. I knew what it was like to feel hopeless, to see nothing in the future accept for a dementors kiss. This status update and the abandonment of the inter-web spoke to me. Something was wrong.
Back round info part two : The last time a friend fell of the radar on the internet it turned out she was suffering deep depression and her boyfriend was physically assaulting her. The home phone number I had for her was incorrect and when she finally came back online I felt terrible for not being there for her. I felt horrible not knowing this was going on so determined whenever I read anything that sounds suspicious I contact that friend no matter who they are in order to make sure their ok. I sent the guy a quick are you ok? Message, five days later and no word. So finally wracked with guilt I called him. First of all he wasn’t sure who I was, and then when he recognized me he called me “babes”. When I asked him why he posted a status update like that only to disappear for two months he was like “OMG THAT WAS ONLY FOR LIKE ONE DAY I’M FINE”.
This has inspired me to write the following MySpace/msn/blog status etiquette guide. First of all and this may shock you all out there I am not the only person in the world who cares about people. THERE ARE MORE OF US THEN YOU THINK. Everyone needs to make a melodramatic “hates the world” status update once in awhile but the thing is everyone can read what you are saying so following these rules.
1: When creating a status please remember people can read it, respond to concerned comments people LEAVE you.
2: If you’re not in the mood to respond to these comments because you’re still mad at your cat/boss/boyfriend/girlfriend/Elvis then at least give some sign within forty eight hours that you are alive.
3: If someone sends you an email sometime after you went AWOL concerned about you. ANSWER IT. IT’S NOT THAT HARD. It will take thirty seconds of your life to type “ I am fine, a dog is eating my face but I am awesome”.
I’m not the first person who has had to deal with this years ago in a Harry Potter online community a girl posted a suicide note which lead to hours of desperate ISP searching and cross checking blog information so the moderators could call the police and find out if she died. She was ok. In a more heart breaking case another girl fell of the radar and through the similar detective work the community discovered she was in a serious car accident.
We may be geeks but we do notice when our friends disappear online and it’s even scarier when it happens after something suspicious. Its fine saying farewell to the internet but when you do please do us a favor and let the people who care about you knows that you’re ok.
First some background information, I’ve started recovering from the worst year of my life. You know all the crap Spiderman went through in the three movies? Worse then that, much worse.
· Auto Immune Hepatitis/Diabetes incapacitating me for six months.
· A brother who was violently kicking the crap out of me while I was ill.
· A relationship with a Nilhist ( now there’s nothing wrong with being a Nilhist but as Annie Hall showed us optimists and pessimists don’t mix well together)
· A broken leg.
My brother attempting to kill me.
While experiencing all of this I was deeply depressed and more then anything I wanted someone, ANYONE to notice and perhaps ring me up or come over for a visit. Instead most of my friends abandoned me only starting to speak to me again as I began to recover. I knew what it was like to feel hopeless, to see nothing in the future accept for a dementors kiss. This status update and the abandonment of the inter-web spoke to me. Something was wrong.
Back round info part two : The last time a friend fell of the radar on the internet it turned out she was suffering deep depression and her boyfriend was physically assaulting her. The home phone number I had for her was incorrect and when she finally came back online I felt terrible for not being there for her. I felt horrible not knowing this was going on so determined whenever I read anything that sounds suspicious I contact that friend no matter who they are in order to make sure their ok. I sent the guy a quick are you ok? Message, five days later and no word. So finally wracked with guilt I called him. First of all he wasn’t sure who I was, and then when he recognized me he called me “babes”. When I asked him why he posted a status update like that only to disappear for two months he was like “OMG THAT WAS ONLY FOR LIKE ONE DAY I’M FINE”.
This has inspired me to write the following MySpace/msn/blog status etiquette guide. First of all and this may shock you all out there I am not the only person in the world who cares about people. THERE ARE MORE OF US THEN YOU THINK. Everyone needs to make a melodramatic “hates the world” status update once in awhile but the thing is everyone can read what you are saying so following these rules.
1: When creating a status please remember people can read it, respond to concerned comments people LEAVE you.
2: If you’re not in the mood to respond to these comments because you’re still mad at your cat/boss/boyfriend/girlfriend/Elvis then at least give some sign within forty eight hours that you are alive.
3: If someone sends you an email sometime after you went AWOL concerned about you. ANSWER IT. IT’S NOT THAT HARD. It will take thirty seconds of your life to type “ I am fine, a dog is eating my face but I am awesome”.
I’m not the first person who has had to deal with this years ago in a Harry Potter online community a girl posted a suicide note which lead to hours of desperate ISP searching and cross checking blog information so the moderators could call the police and find out if she died. She was ok. In a more heart breaking case another girl fell of the radar and through the similar detective work the community discovered she was in a serious car accident.
We may be geeks but we do notice when our friends disappear online and it’s even scarier when it happens after something suspicious. Its fine saying farewell to the internet but when you do please do us a favor and let the people who care about you knows that you’re ok.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
My first post, huzzah ten pounds for the king!
I've created this blog in order to indulge in my secret dark confession. I am a girl nerd. While other girls are out drinking on friday nights I'm either reading Neil Gaiman or watching my Buffy dvds. When I go shopping not only do I buy cute clothes I also buy graphic novels and dvd box sets. Needless to say I find living in the real world a little bit dull and also very difficult to deal with.
In many ways I'm pre-lesbian wiccan witch Willow, still into guys, still into writing obscure fanfic.
In fact today I would love to talk about girl-nerd Willow and how she lost her way. Whatever happened to the girl-nerd Willow who found academic achievements exciting was able to examine corpses and had a stoic werewolf for a boyfriend? It was awesome when she began working her magical mojo until suddenly magical mojo was all she ever was.
Rewatching season six of Buffy I couldn't help but feel dissapointed, in many ways Willow's computer hacking book reading abilities which made her who she was were taken away and replaced with the magic.
Yeah I get it, its a metaphor for drug addiction but really? honestly? I just think Joss got sick of writing a nerdy girl.
We can see in Willow's dreams that her number one fear is returning to the girl who did her book report on The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe.
This is a shame because as a Highschool English teacher I really wish there were more girls choosing diverse literature for their essays instead of Twilight.
When Willow overcomes her addiction does the nerd Willow come back? no not really. Season eight showed little to no evidence of her love for reading and the internet ( she used the internet once to look up a dead girls blog before commenting it was a teenage phase) and instead still stuck with her magical self.
The comics show goddess Willow flying around with the greatest of ease in various stages of medieval dress.
Once again though I have to think to myself this isn't the Willow I identified with as a kid. After all the episode "Helpless" clearly illustrated that a persons identity isn't carved based on their super powers however in the comic virtual series eight we see Willow identifying with some one else. Of course I could be wrong because I have still to buy half the series and I hear Oz is coming back.
Oh well.
In many ways I'm pre-lesbian wiccan witch Willow, still into guys, still into writing obscure fanfic.
In fact today I would love to talk about girl-nerd Willow and how she lost her way. Whatever happened to the girl-nerd Willow who found academic achievements exciting was able to examine corpses and had a stoic werewolf for a boyfriend? It was awesome when she began working her magical mojo until suddenly magical mojo was all she ever was.
Rewatching season six of Buffy I couldn't help but feel dissapointed, in many ways Willow's computer hacking book reading abilities which made her who she was were taken away and replaced with the magic.
Yeah I get it, its a metaphor for drug addiction but really? honestly? I just think Joss got sick of writing a nerdy girl.
We can see in Willow's dreams that her number one fear is returning to the girl who did her book report on The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe.
This is a shame because as a Highschool English teacher I really wish there were more girls choosing diverse literature for their essays instead of Twilight.
When Willow overcomes her addiction does the nerd Willow come back? no not really. Season eight showed little to no evidence of her love for reading and the internet ( she used the internet once to look up a dead girls blog before commenting it was a teenage phase) and instead still stuck with her magical self.
The comics show goddess Willow flying around with the greatest of ease in various stages of medieval dress.
Once again though I have to think to myself this isn't the Willow I identified with as a kid. After all the episode "Helpless" clearly illustrated that a persons identity isn't carved based on their super powers however in the comic virtual series eight we see Willow identifying with some one else. Of course I could be wrong because I have still to buy half the series and I hear Oz is coming back.
Oh well.
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